This is My Psychosis
There comes a certain time in our lives when being positive and staying optimistic becomes a chore. One day you can be the happiest and the glowing girl but then there will be a moment, that one certain moment, where in you turn into Debby Downer. Don’t you agree?
Okay, before you guys roll your eyes and mouth to each other “P-M-S”, i’m not talking about the woes and character changes induced by hormones or having one’s period. Really. It’s not all about the bloody thing every time!
So anyway, as I was saying – You can be the epitome of “Carpe Diem” one moment and then become sullen overnight. If you currently are in this mood, I know how you feel. For the past few days, I have been feeling a little off.
First, I ruled it as the after effects of doing something that I shouldn’t have been doing -but I think it’s not that.
Next, I figured it could be because I was not feeling well since my throat has been acting up and I lost my voice for a while. So, it makes me antsy and irritable. Perhaps, it’s part of it but definitely not the main reason.
Finally, I thought it had something to do with a guy confusing the bajeezus out of me! The kind when you don’t know who you are to him and what he is trying to see you as. I guess mixed signals never suited my system as much as mixed drinks do….
But then, after contemplating for some time, I realized I was just feeling it- nothing more. It’s an emotion; a feeling that doesn’t have to stem from anything of particular. It could be a lot of things and it could be nothing at all. It could be the fact that they ran out of coke zero or it’s because I had too much chocolate.
It’s nothing definite. It just is.
I don’t know how to describe the feeling. It’s a cross between being lazy, tired, irritable, sad, waiting for something, antsy, excited yet dreading something. I don’t know- it’s weird when you’re crying for no reason. Although, one crying bout was brought upon by this moving contemporary routine in SYTYCD 8.
But I guess, there will always be days like these, huh?
I try to keep my head above water… especially when the water I’m drowning in are from my own tears!
Don’t worry though, I’m going to be all right.