This is My Psychosis

It Just Is.

There comes a certain time in our lives when being positive and staying optimistic becomes a chore. One day you can be the happiest and  the glowing girl but then there will be a moment, that one certain moment, where in you turn into Debby Downer. Don’t you agree?

Okay, before you guys roll your eyes and mouth to each other “P-M-S”, i’m not talking about the woes and character changes induced by hormones or having one’s period. Really. It’s not all about the bloody thing every time!

So anyway, as I was saying – You can be the epitome of “Carpe Diem” one moment and then become sullen overnight. If you currently are in this mood, I know how you feel. For the past few days, I have been feeling a little off.

First, I ruled it as the after effects of doing something that I shouldn’t have been doing -but I think it’s not that.

Next, I figured it could be because I was not feeling well since my throat has been acting up and I lost my voice for a while. So, it makes me antsy and irritable. Perhaps, it’s part of it but definitely not the main reason.

Finally, I thought it had something to do with a guy confusing the bajeezus out of me! The kind when you don’t know who you are to him and what he is trying to see you as. I guess mixed signals never suited my system as much as mixed drinks do….

But then, after contemplating for some time, I realized I was just feeling it- nothing more. It’s an emotion; a feeling that doesn’t have to stem from anything of particular. It could be a lot of things and it could be nothing at all. It could be the fact that they ran out of coke zero or it’s because I had too much chocolate.

It’s nothing definite. It just is.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling. It’s a cross between being lazy, tired, irritable, sad, waiting for something, antsy, excited yet dreading something. I don’t know- it’s weird when you’re crying for no reason. Although, one crying bout was brought upon by this moving contemporary routine in SYTYCD 8.

But I guess, there will always be days like these, huh?

I try to keep my head above water… especially when the water I’m drowning in are from my own tears!

Don’t worry though, I’m going to be all right.



3 comments on “It Just Is.

  1. Asha's blog
    July 16, 2012

    Reblogged this on Asha's Blog.

  2. Sam373
    July 16, 2012

    Honest words that we all have experienced but not all have conquered.
    I must give myself the love I hope to receive from others otherwise, how will I now the real thing when I meet it?.

    • koisevilla
      July 16, 2012

      exactly! 😀 love others the way you would like to be loved 😀

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