This is My Psychosis
I get easily attached to people. I never really acknowledged it before but finally, it has bitten me on the ass a tad too many times that I have no choice but to admit to it. I get clingy and if I were a sea creature, I might be more of an octopus instead of a fish.
I don’t know why I am like that. I don’t want to get all too psychological and say that it is rooted in some unresolved or unmet childhood angst. Yes, of course, that is one possibility however, I do not have intentions of discussing it in that aspect.
Let me just tell you all that I always believe that people are basically good. I look at a person as a blank piece of paper (Tabula Rasa) and I let them form my opinions about them through their actions. Naturally, I gravitate towards people who can jive with my energy and to those who are practically on the same wavelength as I am. I also get tickled fancy by funny folks who can make me laugh. Same goes with those who can tickle my neurons and make my brain go through a workout. Bottom line, I am anti-social but I do end up liking people and I invite them into my little circle. I think I do not have a problem when it comes to friends because the ones I have with me are all tried and tested- yes, they went through fire and have been found true and loyal.
So, why am I blogging again all of a sudden about being clingy and easily attached?
Well, for those who know me well, they already know the answer to that. But since this is a public blog and most of you who might get to read this do not know me at all, allow me to let you in on a secret:
It becomes a whole new different ball game when it comes to relationships and love.
The very reason why I over think; why I get paranoid and my defense mechanism goes code red is because I am pathetically clingy. I think I’m too easily pleased and then I fall so easily. I tend to read too much into something even when it might seem that it is nothing but harmless flirtation. Perhaps I am desperate? Too much eager to love? Love drunk? (*Hey, give me a break! I’ve been single for a decade!)
I have been unconsciously noticing this defect in my system and I am proud to say that in the past, most recent cases, I was able to change my ways. I had started learning the art of aloof, nonchalant and cold (bordering frigid 30 year old not so virgin) The past month, I have been 1-1: I tripped once then bounced back with vengeance after.
But now, the very recent activities that has been giving my mobile phone the most action it has seen in a millennia, is the very reason why I am getting worried.
But, but, but… RAR!
Unfortunately, it is not going to be my kind of story if a key ingredient is missing- yes, he has a girlfriend.
In all fairness, I am not flirting back (much?) and I am cordial. I know my principles and when it comes to cheating or being an accomplice to the act, I am firm when I say I will not condone it or be involved. However, I am not divulging every detail on this blog post. So, you might be confused when I say that he is making it pretty difficult for me… And, I am growing attached.
But then again, I have always believed myself to be a ninja, so I’ll make like a banana and split? I just hope my skills will not fail me in case I might need to melt into the shadows because of expectations and circumstances.