This is My Psychosis
Forgive me for posting like there’s no tomorrow but I have been looking for this past post of mine and I’ve finally found it. Since Multiply is supposedly closing, I’m transferring stuff that I’ve written and loved before into this blog. Again, I’m sorry for multi-posting in the span of one hour (?) But hopefully, you’ll enjoy still… Doumo!
Title: What A Cliche
Sad movies always make me cry…but not as much as those love stories with extreme-gut-puking-entrail-expelling-super-sweet-too-good-to-be-true endings..
Welcome Mr. Bitterness, we meet again. It’s so nice of you to drop by. Just as I thought my days would be brighter, here you are casting a shadow over my oh so welcoming doorstep. What can I say? I am always so eager to accomodate you and your friend Mr. Loneliness. I guess you make life less boring…or not.
So, we watched a movie huh? Tons! We laughed and enjoyed it or so it would seem because right after every story —you fill my senses. I can taste you, like bile coming out of my throat. Your stench clings upon my body, seeping through my veins and you come over me with raw abandonment. After you’re through with me, your friend takes me for a walk –a long tiresome journey filled with emptiness and the desire to just stop looking forward; to stop dreaming.
Wasn’t that what we were discussing over your visit a couple of days ago? I mean, you almost sold the idea to me. I thought what you represented had merit and could possibly well, be all there really is to loving and living. Certainly my attachment to you Mr. Bitterness has increased my status with Mr. Realistic and Mr. Skeptical. We are all almost best buddies.
But permit me to say this, my dear old visitor. I am getting pretty tired of our little chitchats over food and movies. You of course bring more reason to rant and rave but really, there has to be a time when I don’t accomodate you. For once, I want to go back to the time when I never knew you existed at all. A time when I can watch great movies and believe them to be real somehow. I want to be able to dream again and create nonesense with my hopelessly romantic self –no matter what the consequences.
I know you are not offended because there will always be a time when you darken my doorstep and I’ll gladly receive you with arms wide open. You’ll probably bring your brother Mr. Regrets –but hey, you’ve all been here before, right? I’m pretty sure I know how to handle your bunch when you do pass my way again…
But really, for now? I just want to sit back and enjoy my movies no matter how unrealistic or surreal they may get. If I drift off to fantasy land, allow me for this time I just need to be inspired. Rest assured though that I am not as gullible as I was before.
So farewell for now my darling friend and your dear companions. The sign on my door says:
DO NOT DISTURB.