This is My Psychosis


Today, after the gloom and doom, I arrived in school feeling disconnected from everything but the feelings from last night. It hurt to walk and I felt like any moment, I will burst into tears. If the vice president of the school did not ask to see me at 2pm, I would not have gotten out of bed. I’m glad that I did though because wallowing never did anybody any good.

I have to admit, the song playing in the taxi cab was starting the waterworks again. In fact, I cried in the taxi but got myself together before entering the school gates. I walked as slowly as I can to where my students/friends were gathered. It turned out, one of them baked us a blueberry cheesecake. I can’t tell you how much I am grateful for the timing. Imagine, a baked-good with healing powers!

I guess I looked like hell when I arrived because their tones of concern and questions about my sanity (?) LOL filled the air. I guess I could not handle it and I felt my hands and fingers shaking as tears threatened to fall. I had to get myself out of there so I excused myself. I let the moment pass in the girl’s lavatory. I was getting angry at myself as I had to get a grip! I was being such a sappy drama queen!

I managed to do so and I went back with a braver and happier face. It was an ordeal but soon after, their laughter and company had replaced the nagging darkness in my head. I know these all sound so over-dramatic and can be likened to a cliché – filled chick flick but there you have it. The cheesecake was great by the way.

All in all, it was a terrible night and a better day.

There are reasons for these episodes in my life. I always know it is just lurking in the shadows waiting to strike -if I allow it to. I did and I have to pay the consequences for it. But, I think I’m going to be okay…for now. I was able to unload some things to a friend and it helped.

There you have it… just an update in case anybody wanted to know.




2 comments on “Post-Wallowing-Blog

  1. thehappyhugger
    February 27, 2012

    Just hang in there, keep strong 🙂

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