This is My Psychosis
So, it’s finally the eve of the 14th; the calm before the storm; the deep breath before the plunge; the – really, do I have to be so dramatic about it? Well, for someone who has spent valentines as a single woman for …. [counting the years….]….[fortunately, my calculator is not working so we’ll leave that blank!] Okay, again, for somebody like me, valentines can either make us cringe or just make us shrug our shoulders in a nonchalant way.
You cannot certainly fault me if I give it the old “What’s another day?” flippant retort. You might say I’m bitter [which I am in a way -no sense denying the obvious, right?] but I am not bitter in a bad way. It’s a myriad of emotions actually -some I have control over- others, well, they just creep up on you and catch you unaware. Let me try to break it down for you:
I keep telling myself that V-day is overrated and that it’s just another day for people to make extravagant gestures and declare undying love. But really, do you really need a special, specific day to show your special someone the magnitude of your feelings? Shame on you if you only do an effort for your loved ones on once-a-year-occassion! But really, it’s Tuesday tomorrow. I have classes, deadlines and whatnots. Besides, with the number of years I have spent Valentine’s Day alone, it really does seem lackluster for me.
Of course, the green-eyed monster will reel its ugly head at some point tomorrow. I would of course, curse the daylights out of the girls/women that my crushes will be dating. It’s a natural reaction guys so don’t act like you won’t feel this way too! Also, i’m going to be hardcore envious of women who will get flowers, chocolates and whatnots. But then again, it’s natural and I have no qualms saying how I feel about it.
Since I’m going to experience a short bout of jealousy [operative word: SHORT] I will be sad and eventually mope inside my head as I smile happily. Come on, don’t tell me you won’t be a bit melancholy? I mean, think – SINGLE for So Effin’ Long! However, I shall endeavor to feel sad for only a fraction of an hour or a minute or two -it depends on tomorrow’s weather. Take note though that this section only says “Sad” and it does not point out that I am lonely because I am not. Loneliness is relative in this case.
It is a frightening thought -what if I am destined to be single forever? [Shivers]
I am honestly excited for my friends and loved ones who are anticipating something from people who admire them or from their partners. Yes, I am an avid subscriber of “living-vicariously-through-others” and I must say, I feel happy when the people I love are happy because of love. I can’t especially wait for those who are just about to declare their feelings for someone…[that is, if they’ll have the courage for it..] Overall, I am eager to see events unfold tomorrow, wherever I might be.
Yes, I always have hope -although, it flickers on and off like our kitchen light [the fluorescent’s busted -i think! or the kitchen is haunted -oooohhhhh] But yeah – I am forever clinging on the threads of optimism and rose-colored-glasses. I know God has a special someone for me and He is probably preparing me to receive this guy. I just leave it all up to Him while I deal with my tumultuous roller coaster of emotions.
So there, that’s about it…oh, I know there are other emotions that I have forgotten to list down but will remember tomorrow. I’ll just include them on my post-Vday blog. However, I am glad to report that despite my detachment and non-enthusiastic reception of tomorrow’s holiday, I will always believe in love and all its aspects.
I will always feel that sense of wonder whenever I see old people holding hands or sharing a moment on their date. I will rejoice in the secret smiles and looks that puppy loves share. I will be in awe of the love that friends have for each other. I will be forever blessed for the love of my siblings, parents, relatives and grandparents. I will feel the profound sense of faith that no matter what happens, love will always be there in all the nook and crannies -yes, even the darkest repositories of life, ready to swoop down and rescue anyone from despair. As long as we all remember that Valentine’s is not only for lovers, we will never be bereft of love’s blessings.
Have a happy valentine’s day everyone and remember, it does not matter whether it’s eros or filial -heck, it does not even matter if it’s narcissism. What matters is that we loved at all… ^_^
[If in some crazy, inexplicable and remote possibility that you are thinking of downloading my photos –DON’T! ***Photos Copyright@2012***]